Last updated: November 14, 2013. We have not updated this policy since because nothing about our data practices has changed. We still don't know what we're doing.
What Data We Collect
CocoaPatterns collects the following data from visitors:
- Your email address (if you subscribe to our newsletter). This is stored in FloatDB. We haven't needed to access it yet.
- Your IP address (logged by our server, which is a Mac mini in Brad's closet). We do not analyze these logs. The log file is 847GB and we're afraid to open it.
- Cookies. We don't set any cookies. We tried once in 2011 and couldn't get it to work. We told our lawyer we use "essential cookies only" because that sounded responsible.
How We Use Your Data
We may use your email address to send you a newsletter. The newsletter will contain programming advice that you should not follow. By subscribing, you acknowledge this. We haven't sent a newsletter yet. We're working on it.
Third-Party Sharing
We do not share your data with third parties. We do not share your data with first parties. We do not share your data with ourselves. We cannot access your data. This is the most GDPR-compliant website on the internet, not by design but by accident.
Data Retention
Your data is retained indefinitely in FloatDB. "Indefinitely" in this context means "we don't know how to delete from FloatDB either." Float Erik's FAQ says deletion is "philosophically unnecessary." We have chosen to accept this rather than investigate further.
Your Rights
Under GDPR, CCPA, and various other acronyms, you have the right to:
- Access your data. We support this in principle. In practice, we would need to query FloatDB, and we have chosen not to do that. See our FloatDB technical overview for context.
- Request deletion. We will happily mark your record as "pending deletion" in a spreadsheet that is not connected to FloatDB in any way.
- Data portability. We can export your data as a 64-bit floating-point number. If you can figure out what to do with it, it's yours.
Security
Your data is protected by industry-standard security practices, including:
- The Mac mini is in a closet with a lock. Brad has the key. Brad sometimes forgets to lock the closet.
- SSH access requires a password. The password is on a Post-it note on the Mac mini. The Post-it is inside the locked closet, so this is technically two-factor authentication (something you know + something behind a door).
- We use HTTPS. This was configured by someone who no longer works here. It renews automatically. We think.
Changes to This Policy
We will update this policy if our data practices change. Our data practices have not changed since 2013 because changing them would require understanding them, and we've been putting that off.
Contact
For privacy-related inquiries, please see our Contact page. Response times vary. Brad is usually the one who responds. Brad is busy.